I’m 5’9”: Am I Too Short to Date?
When you’re limping through the dog days of singleness, it’s easy to look around at all the guys who have dates and ask, “What does he have that I don’t?”
One of the most obvious differences is height. To add insult to injury, girls will sometimes toss out blanket statements like, “I don’t date guys who are under six feet tall.” Then you compare yourself to the celebrities they are into — the actors and the athletes. Personally, I remember girls in high school fawning over Tony Romo, ex-quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. They’d say, “He’s so tall and handsome.” And there I was… not looking like that.
Jokes aside, I’ve asked out girls who said “no” and then started going out with — you guessed it — a taller guy just a week later. After this happened a half-dozen times, it was easy for me to find the common thread and develop insecurities over the way God created me.
But I’d be a fraud if I tried to offer you “5 Sure-Fire Ways to Get a Taller Girl to Marry You.” Instead, I’ll lift up the proverbial mirror and ask you three important questions. I’ve asked myself these same questions, and I’m a better person for it.
1. Why does this affect you so much?
Most guys feel a twinge of anger when they hear about girls’ height “requirements” for men. You think: It’s not fair! I can’t help my genes!
Besides, Christian guys are often told to be “men of godly character.” And you try so hard to be kind and servant-hearted and Christ-like. But Cheryl likes Nick instead of you because he’s got a more athletic build. Makes you angry, right?
Hold on. Pause. Don’t be the “nice guy” who blows up whenever a girl isn’t into him. She has the right to be attracted to whomever she’s attracted to. Just because a girl isn’t attracted to you because of your height (or whatever), that’s no reason to be defensive, entitled or unkind. You probably aren’t attracted to every woman you meet, either.
Rejection is always tough. But rather than blaming others, try retracing the trail of breadcrumbs back to your anger. Maybe you were raised in a home that elevated a type of masculinity that you don’t embody. Maybe teasing or bullying has triggered certain insecurities. Why is this particular issue so troublesome?
2. Why are you still thinking about her?
Ten dollars says that if you’re still reading this post, you’re not prepping for a philosophical throw-down on the topic of height and romance. No, you’re probably thinking about a specific someone.
So let’s run through some hypothetical situations and suggested responses. You can use these in your real-life scenarios as they crop up:
- You’ve talked to her and she kindly explained that she isn’t into you. So she isn’t into you. Unless she spelled it out, you probably don’t know why. Height may not have even been a factor. Either way, you should respect her and move on. She doesn’t owe you an explanation.
- You’ve talked to her and she said, “You’re too short. End of story.” On the very rare chance this happens, at least you got your answer, right? Consider it a gift. If she’s not attracted to you because of your height, there’s absolutely nothing you can do about that. There’s no need to exhaust yourself fighting for her attraction and attention.
- You haven’t talked to her and you’re using the height issue as an excuse to be a coward. That’s on you, bud. There are a lot of girls who date guys who are shorter than they are. And just because she’s dated taller guys in the past doesn’t mean she won’t be interested in you. My advice: Work up the courage to ask her out. You won’t know until you know. One thing women universally agree on: Courage is attractive.
3. Are you suitable husband material in other areas?
Two points to wrap up this post. One, you can’t change your height (please don’t hang from the monkey bars with weights around your ankles). Two, most women aren’t going to reject a guy just because he’s short. Women are too smart and emotionally in-tune to be that shallow.
Between now and the next time you meet one of these smart, emotionally in-tune women, here are three ideas for self-improvement in life areas that actually matter.
- Pray and ask God to give you confidence. This will likely be a lifelong journey, but prayer and patience are much better than bitterness. Try to avoid transactional sanctification where you ask things like, “If You make me a better person, then can I please meet my wife?” Simply ask God how you can better obey and listen to His voice.
- Become a better conversationalist. People like being around others who are positive, inquisitive and make them feel better about themselves. Dream of becoming a compliment champion? Want to impress others by being a quick-witted question-asker? Check out our post on how to instantly improve your conversation skills.
- Learn new techniques for dealing with rejection. Handling rejection well will lead to more confidence when pursuing new relationships.
As I mentioned, I’ve had to navigate these insecurities myself. I’ve learned that God can use surface issues like height to redeem deeper wounds and struggles. You can’t change your height, but you can change your perspective toward life and others. And honestly, a godly perspective can be pretty attractive.
Ladies, what are your thoughts around dating a guy who’s shorter than you? Are you open to it or not? What advice would you have for men wanting insight in this area?
Height-challenged guys, what’s your experience? Anything you’ve learned that you can share with the rest of us?
Copyright 2019 T.J. Neathery. All rights reserved.
About the Author
TJ Neathery is an ex-missionary kid who lives in Colorado Springs where he writes, snowboards, and dreams about the day his local coffee shop releases a 16 oz cortado. He also owns his own digital marketing agency where he helps amazing people grow their niche businesses. Find out more at www.tjneathery.com.