Quick question: Who was the bad boy in your youth group? Or, presently, who’s the bad boy in your singles group?
I don’t know about you, but the name popped immediately to my mind — and I thought about that guy as I read a recent Girls Gone Wise post by guest blogger Dianne Hawkins, “Can Bad Boys be Godly Men?” I thought about that guy, and I thought about how different he is than my husband. And then I said a little prayer thanking God that He gave me the wisdom to pass the bad boy by.
Hawkins, who is getting married this weekend, writes about the “bad boys” of the Christian dating scene:
They’re smooth, confident, mysterious and gave me a flurry of butterflies. They were just a step above the rest of normal guys … or so I thought…. They have a rebellious side, live with a ‘devil-may-care’ attitude and are fiercely independent. All these different things make up a guy that is exciting to us, usually popular, attractive, and usually fulfills some need of acceptance and significance.
Then, she writes, there’s the added benefit: They’re Christians, aren’t they?
They were saved, so that ensured a God-honoring dating relationship, right? Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that the answer is NO.
Hawkins lists four reasons why the “bad boy” falls oh-so-short of the biblical man.
- They put themselves first. “Bad boys show you attention, give you constant compliments and excitement, but when you stop meeting his needs and making him happy, he will lose interest in you. He will get bored and move on to the next woman or thing that fulfills his selfish desires.” Speaking of those compliments …
- They’re smooth talkers. “Bad boys tell you exactly what you want to hear, what makes you feel good about yourself. But what they say is usually not at the appropriate time (premature commitment talk) and it is usually not genuine. Most of the time selfish motives are behind every word.”
- They isolate women from friends and family. “The Christian bad boy isolates himself from sound judgment and will try to get you to join him. Until he seeks godly advice and wants to surround himself (and you) with godly people, he cannot be a godly man. A girl once shared with me about her relationship with a Christian bad boy, ‘It felt like it was him and me against the world, but then I realized that the world was everyone who would lay down their lives for me.'” Wow, good advice.
- They don’t protect your heart or your body. “Is your bad boy protecting your heart and not awakening love until it so desires (Song of Solomon 2:7)? Is your bad boy protecting you physically? 1 Corinthians 6:18 says to “Flee from sexual immorality.” … Does he put you in compromising situations full of temptation? Or, does he respect and protect you by making sure that he’s following Ephesians 5:3?”
I used to think that if I gave up the exciting bad boy type that God would have me marry a boring, godly type. But I assure you, godly is NOT boring.
She’s absolutely right. Marry a bad boy and you become, at best, his mother and, at worst, his adversary. Marry a biblical man and you get the blessing and honor of submitting to a sacrificial, loving husband.
So that guy you thought of at the beginning of the post? Pass him right on by. Then, take another look at Ephesians 5 and look around your group again. A biblical man just may be there.